Regardless of how chaotic or charming your childhood may have been, it’s highly likely that if you struggle with anxiety, low self-worth, you’re prone to feeling inadequate and become burnt out by trying to please everyone, there’s a good chance you have a wounded inner child.
Even if you came from a loving family, it does not mean they will have been able to meet all your emotional needs. Our self-worth is formed on what others did or didn’t tell us as a child. When we are young, it’s natural to feel and believe things that aren’t true, and It’s these beliefs that ultimately create a wounded inner child.
It’s easy to believe that if not abused or neglected as a child, you’ll automatically have a strong sense of self and high self-esteem, but in reality that’s not always the case.
Whether loving or loveless, our childhood experiences shape our entire life. This goes for our experiences at school, not just at home.
From my personal and professional experience, it’s not necessarily what happened to us, rather how we perceived a situation to be that can cause problems as we grow up and affect our experience as an adult.
The first years of life are paramount to human development because during this period, the brain structure with all its neuronal pathways takes form.
The experiences you have during this developmental phase will have a lasting imprint on your mind, and your beliefs formed because of these experiences.
The relationship you have with your parents and caregivers teaches you how to treat and regard yourself and others. Your self worth develops, or not.
You create beliefs from situations that cause you to feel high emotion, and it’s these beliefs that play out unconsciously and call all the shots! These beliefs will have you do exactly what they think is best, to keep you safe from emotional harm! They will try to keep you from feeling the same level of emotion again.
In order to avoid further emotional discomfort, you go to ends to keep yourself safe. Anxiety is a prime example, it steps in when a situation gets ‘too much’ or feels uncertain, rather than face the fear, it’s easier to give into the belief that, “I can’t do that”, “I don’t deserve that”, and allow the anxiety to step in and keep you safe. It’s the perfect get out.
Maybe you’ve experienced rejection in your past. It’s likely that you’ll be the one to ensure that relationships never last. Too scared of rejection, you either keep people at arm’s length or you make sure you end things before you might get hurt.
But all the time you save yourself from harm, you are preventing yourself from experiencing new things, the next chapter. Instead, you stay stuck and feel small, inadequate, lost and hopeless.
Over time, this leads to feeling sad, alone, depressed and miserable.
8 Signs you may have a wounded child
I’m not good enough: In the deepest part of me, I feel that there’s something wrong with me.
Anxiety: I experience anxiety whenever contemplating doing something new, and I believe the worse in any situation.
Fear: My deepest fear is being abandoned or rejected, and I’ll do anything to hold on to a relationship.
People Please: I’m a people-pleaser and lack a strong identity of what I want.
Rebellious: I’m a rebel. I feel more alive when I’m in conflict with others and in self-destruct mode.
Inadequate: I constantly compare myself to others and criticise myself for being inadequate.
Yes, Person: I struggle to say “no” and end up burning myself out.
Shame: I’m ashamed of expressing powerful emotions such as sadness or anger and beat myself up for things that I have done wrong in the past.
If you have identified with one or more of the above, it’s likely you have a wounded inner child.
Self-Love can heal your wounded inner child
Self love is powerful. As an adult, the only love you need is Self Love, and when you love yourself you are healing your wounded inner child.
Self love means that you are believing in yourself, and slowly you will reconnect with your inner child.
A Self Love Adventure
Self love needn’t feel naff, it can be fun and exciting, it can feel like a proper adventure when you truly embrace the healing process!
First things first, you need to gain self-awareness about how you are harming your inner child in order to understand exactly where you are perpetuating your unhelpful patterns.
Get yourself a journal and start writing! To help gain self-awareness, you could try to answer these questions:
What thoughts are you aware of having?
What is your self talk like – “I am useless”, “I can’t do that”?
What emotions do you avoid – sadness, fear? Why? What do you believe is going to happen?
What behaviours have you adopted in order to avoid how you feel – drinking, shopping, over-eating, overworking?
Once you’ve shone a light on how you think, talk, feel and behave, it’s time to take action!
It’s time to take self responsibility for your behaviours, the way you talk to yourself and the way you respond to thoughts. You no longer need to stay stuck in old patterns, not when you have self awareness – you get to make empowered choices in how you respond.
Self empowerment is the golden opportunity to dig yourself out of a pit of self pity.
Now that you have awareness you can make the choice to be kinder to yourself, do things which light you up and that you enjoy.
This can make you feel better about yourself.
In order to heal your inner child, I would always recommend working with a therapist, one that you feel at ease with and trust. This process isn’t just about talking, you will need to dig deep and self enquiry work is an essential aspect of this work.
It’s important to dig beneath the surface and really shine a light on who you truly are.
To free yourself from the past, you will need to discover the TRUTH.
Who are you really? Who are you beyond the identities and perceptions you have taken on over the years? Whose beliefs and influences have shaped the person you are today?
If you’re feeling stuck and lacking in self worth, it’s likely you’re believing things that aren’t true and not meeting the needs of your inner child.
Your inner child is patiently waiting for you to rediscover them and let them know you care and that everything is going to be ok now because you love them.
Self Help is incredibly powerful, by committing to help yourself is a significant starting point for any healing journey.
Georgina is a fully qualified Integrative Counsellor, Certified Coach, yoga teacher and Creator of Self Love Adventure, a 6-week therapeutic programme to heal your inner child, find a sense of self and improve your self worth. To work with Georgina, please visit her website: www.georginalynch.com