“I’m Not Good Enough”.

Oh but you are.

You may just struggle to feel or believe you’re good enough.

Maybe you berate yourself, or treat yourself harshly? Maybe you find it hard to escape an inner critic or you can find yourself feeling like an imposter? 

Maybe you resort to self soothing coping mechanisms to make yourself feel better like: drinking, eating, shopping or overworking?

But regardless of what you try and do feeling good about yourself never lasts long?

I hear you. I struggled with feeling the same way for years. It didn’t matter what I did, what others said, or how much self care I took, there was always that niggling feeling of not feeling enough.

Years ago it led me to self-sabotage on a very destructive level, causing my relationships to break down and perpetuated many years of mental illness. But even when I ended these destructive behaviours and started to feel better about myself, that nagging feeling of not feeling enough was always there.

It wasn’t until I really dug deep and realised the Truth that I was able to start healing myself from the inside out.

Over many years of self development and training, I discovered that ‘I am not good enough’ is a belief that gets taken on and becomes your story from a very young age, in most cases, before the age of six or seven years old.

It’s often a very unconscious belief too. People with this underlying belief are usually highly driven and successful. Always wanting to do their best and please please. Always wanting to feel good enough.

It doesn’t matter if you had a loving childhood and felt cared for, if you feel stuck, experience unpleasant thoughts and always try to please others, somewhere in your story there will be a moment, an event or something that became the norm that created the belief I am not good enough. 

‘I am not good enough can be so subtle and from the outside you can appear to look like you have it all, your life is a success, in fact you’d never guess you ever struggled.

This belief can also manifest itself in not believing you are worthy of success (Imposter syndrome), or deserving of loving relationships (avoidant behaviour), as such you may sabotage your success and your relationships. Procrastinating, and pushing people away when you feel the risk of being revealed as a fake!

Oh yes the ‘I am not good enough’ goes subtle, but deep.

So how do you get out of this belief? Well from many years of personal and professional experience there are various ways to help yourself feel good enough and accepting of how you feel.

I believe you will feel the way you do because of something that happened, which as a child you were unable to process and developed an unrealistic belief about yourself. The only way to shift and change this belief is realise the Truth. Who are you really? Kind, loving. Thoughtful etc. This can be achieved in various ways, and as part of my 6-week holistic self love adventure programme, in week 3 we dive deep and enable you to discover the Truth. There are also plenty of therapist who could help you with this process too.

Then there is finding acceptance with what is….so you don’t feel good enough – or at least that’s what your thoughts, feelings and behaviours would have you believe, but on a conscious level you know you are? Well finding peace with this conflict can also help you be at peace. Because sometimes it’s the inner conflict that creates the belief: I am feeling this way, surely it must be true?

Well when you can accept how you feel and learn to love yourself regardless, job done.

That may seem way too simple, but is the kindest way to enjoy your life.

Beyond those ideas, you could spend years in therapy, going around and around your story ‘trying’ to get to the root of why you feel that way.

Or you just chose to ignore it and hope the feelings will go away, sure they might in the bottom of a glass, or when you hit pay on your shopping bag. But those are quick fixes that soon wear off and before long you’re faced with the belief you are not good enough.