In the midst of all this coronavirus madness, it occurred to me that willingly or not, we’ve all created a new habit and that is the habit known as: ‘Social Distancing’.
Popular belief is that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. Research suggests it can take anywhere from 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit, and an average of 66 days for a new behaviour to become automatic.
However as a society we have quickly formed the habit of social distancing, in only a number of days! To me this COVID-19 has proven how very quickly a habit can be formed when created from a place of fear.
The reason I am sharing this is for you to consider where else you maybe creating or already have created a habit, and to remind you a habit can easily lead to addiction, in particular with things like:
- Drinking alcohol
- Online shopping
- Comforting eating
- Spending time on social media
- Online gambling
Now only you know whether you’re struggling with an addiction: a psychological and physical inability to stop consuming something that harms your sense of physical and emotional wellbeing (or your bank balance!).
I see addiction as bad habits or a pattern you have created from a belief you have formed in formative years.
Although it’s thought it only takes 21 days to break this resulting habit, I know from my experience and that of my clients, unless you become aware of the emotional reason that led you to find comfort in the habit in the first place, you can find yourself stuck in these addictive patterns – oftentimes consciously unaware!
For instance you may be trying to numb emotional discomfort from something you are feeling, or to block out the constant negativity in your head.
The habit/addiction then becomes something that you turn to in order to feel better about yourself. Whether through repression of the discomfort or feeling good and getting a ‘buzz’ (when you hit ‘buy’ or take that first sip of a drink).
I know this to be the case from my own experience of addictions that led to years of catastrophic impact on my life and loved ones.
I also know from the perspective of my clients who had become emotionally and physically addicted to behaviours which helped them to numb the pain of believing they were NOT good enough or to avoid feeling guilt, shame and believing they were unloveable.
Every client I have worked with has been able to get to the ‘root cause reason’ and identify the ‘root cause belief’ which was driving the need to mask and repress their emotional discomfort.
Through a Self Love Process they were able to reclaim their power and realised they no longer needed the bad habits in order to feel better. With greater self love they were able to end their habit/addiction and in the process they obtained all the self worth they were seeking to feel good about themselves and automatically felt like a better person.
How can you change your bad habits?
Here are 3 ways from my ‘Self Love Process’ which can help you break your habit:
- Self Awareness – In order to change anything you have to become aware that it is a problem in the first place. To do this you have to be brutally honest with yourself, is this habit xxx become an addiction? Then consider when it started and what you were trying to achieve by partaking in this behaviour: stress relief, to feel calm, to feel better?
- Self Responsibility – Ok so now you have had the courage to become self-aware, the next step is to ‘take responsibility’ and start to change this habit. Given that this habit has been formed with good reason in terms of wanting to find relief, how can you respond differently to the the ‘thing’ that is causing you to feel this way? For example: Do I need to react in this way to what someone else says and that causes me to feel resentful, or can I choose to respond differently? By applying self-awareness to this you can choose to respond in a more kind and loving way!
- Self Care – Now you have been honest and decided it’s time to take responsibility and realise you have a choice in how you respond to a situation now is the time to find another way to spend your time rather than reverting back to the same old ‘pattern’. For instance, if you’ve had a stressful day, or had an argument rather than turning to a glass of wine to relax you, maybe you could find another way to do this such as some exercise, meditation or a reading a book. There are many ways in which to self-care, it’s just up to you to find a way that enables you to feel good!
These are simple ways in which we can all begin to change a habit, and it will work, however often the main driver for the behaviour is driven by a core limiting belief (I am not good enough, worthy enough, or loveable) these will take more internal work. You will be unable to change your external world until you have healed your internal world and don’t I know it!!
I love to respond to your questions and read your reflections, please feel free to comment below.
For ways in which to go deeper and learn to love yourself and change your life please visit Georgina’s website: www.georginalynch.com or follow her on social media.