As someone who struggled with very severe ‘mental health’ problems over two decades, World Mental Health Day is pretty close to my heart.
From the age of 20-32 I experienced 5 episodes of a severe depressive illness with psychosis and was diagnosed with Bi-Polar in 2006. At the time this diagnosis felt like a relief, finally I was able to give reason to all my destructive behaviours and episodes.
Even though I had no idea why I’d been so unwell, something always told me it wasn’t because there was anything innately wrong with me (my intuition!).
You see as I experienced these episodes of illness I would question who I was, what was my purpose? I didn’t feel I had one. I really didn’t like the person I was being. To this end life felt pointless. I was unable to embrace the good things and beautiful people in my life. I was stuck in a place of despair, totally self absorbed and immersed in how bad I was feeling.
Eventually I worked with a pretty radical Psychotherapist in 2006 she introduced me to a very different perspective of ‘my illness’ and suddenly all those years of internal struggle started to make sense.
It was from these understandings that I was able to take responsibility for my self sabotaging thought and behavioural patterns, and eventually end them. I took ownership for my emotions and Instead of hurting myself with self harming behaviours, I chose to treat myself in a far kinder and loving way.
This began a new journey of self exploration and has resulted in me completely transforming my life. Re-building the relationships with my loved ones, and training professionally as a Counsellor, Life Coach and yoga teacher so I can now introduce and guide others on their own Self Love Journey.
Even though I overcame and let go of my labels and mental suffering, my experiences will always be what have shaped me today. I will always be full of gratitude and appreciation to every single experience.
You see there was a time when I was lost, alone and felt a complete disconnect from everything and everyone. Life had no point. There was no meaning, and I resonated with so little.
It seemed nothing I ever did went right and the world seemed to be against me. My own mind played the biggest tricks and in five separate experiences over 12 years, I allowed the mind to take me to darkest levels of utter despair and total self loathing.
I became a victim of my own self loathing. Consistently making the same choices which not only harmed me, these actions had a far reaching impact for the people I loved.
So how did I end my internal struggle? I chose to believe I could change it.
Then I made the decision one day to do it!
Although the past 12 years have also been full of challenge, resisting the release of overwhelm, guilt and fear I have never lapsed back into psychosis, severe depression, mania or attempted suicide again. Neither have I ever needed to take medication.
I know now I managed to change my life, by starting to love my self. To forgive and accept myself and by allowing myself to let the past go.
To realise I was enough. To know I was worthy, to believe and feel I was loveable. To start to believe and trust in myself.
Embracing and owning my own power has been one of my biggest struggles, and when you feel low self worth it’s almost impossible to see your own potential. But over the past two years I have had my biggest awakenings, as I work through, I am releasing and letting all the old outdated patterns and beliefs finally go, and the more I do the more I own my inner power.
Here’s the thing: You don’t need to have suffered severe mental illness, trauma or abuse to realise you’re struggling and need help, support and guidance to find your way back to Self Love.
To me World Mental Health Day isn’t about accepting mental illness, it’s an opportunity to say ‘I am greater and more powerful than any label, thought or emotion that creates internal struggle (mental health problems). Instead it’s about embracing your true self and choosing to love and accept your self exactly as you are, and go beyond the mind’s limitations and stories which keep you stuck in an internal struggle and illusion of illness.
It’s time to trust and set your self free! ❤️